# What does demure mean?

Canonical: https://postmesh.app/glossary/demure

By PostMesh team. Published 2026-10-31; updated 2026-10-31.

Demure means reserved and modest in manner, or modestly dressed. Since a 2024 TikTok trend, very demure, very mindful has also been a playful way to describe behaving politely and appropriately, often about something that isn't demure at all.

## What demure means

Demure is an old word with a new joke attached. In the dictionary sense, [Merriam-Webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/demure) defines it as reserved or modest in manner, and also as modestly styled or dressed: a demure smile, a demure neckline. A second sense is affectedly modest, meaning shy or proper as a pose rather than for real. Its synonym list includes coy.

The online sense grew out of a 2024 TikTok trend. Saying something is very demure, very mindful means it's polite, put together and appropriate for the setting, especially work. Creators paired demure with words like mindful, cutesy and considerate, per an [ABC7 report](https://abc7news.com/post/demure-named-2024-word-year-dictionary/15587754/) on the trend. The tone is gently ironic. You might call your quiet lunch at your desk very demure, or call a friend's loud night out not very demure.

The irony is the point. A lot of demure posts describe things that are plainly not modest at all, and the joke is pretending they are. So if someone captions a photo of themselves eating fries in the car with "very demure", they're being playful, not describing their table manners.

## Where demure and very demure, very mindful come from

The word itself is centuries old. Merriam-Webster dates the first known use to the 14th century and says its meaning has shifted only slightly since. It started as a description of people who were quietly modest and later stretched to cover modesty that was more act than sincere. The origin is obscure. It sounds French, Merriam-Webster notes, but the evidence doesn't settle where it came from.

The trend has a clear starting point. [Know Your Meme](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/very-demure-very-mindful) credits TikTok creator Jools Lebron. On August 2, 2024, she posted a video about how she does her makeup for work, calling it very demure. It passed 2 million plays within 10 days. On August 6 she posted a follow-up with the full line, very demure, very mindful, which passed 7 million plays in a week and, Know Your Meme says, kicked off the trend.

Within days, other creators were remixing it. Know Your Meme records parody videos from August 8 onward, including someone eating a sandwich demurely, and says the phrase spread to Reddit and X by mid-August, where users counted dozens of demure posts a day and brand accounts like Discord joined in.

By the end of the year it had a trophy. ABC7 reported that Dictionary.com named demure its 2024 Word of the Year, announced on November 25, 2024. According to Dictionary.com's figures in that report, use of the word in digital media rose 1,200% by August, and searches on Dictionary.com peaked at 200 times their earlier level.

- 14th century: First known use of demure in English (Merriam-Webster)
- August 2, 2024: Jools Lebron posts her first very demure video (Know Your Meme)
- August 6, 2024: The follow-up with very demure, very mindful launches the trend (Know Your Meme)
- Mid-August 2024: The phrase spreads to Reddit and X, and brands join in (Know Your Meme)
- November 25, 2024: Dictionary.com names demure its 2024 Word of the Year (ABC7)

*Sources: Merriam-Webster, Know Your Meme and ABC7.*

- 1,200%: Rise in digital media use of demure by August 2024, per Dictionary.com
- 200x: Peak Dictionary.com searches compared with earlier in 2024

*Dictionary.com figures, as reported by ABC7 in November 2024.*

## What the original demure videos were about

It helps to know what Jools Lebron was actually doing, because it explains the tone. Her first videos were about how she does her makeup and carries herself for work. ABC7 describes her using the word to give advice on being modest and respectful in settings such as the workplace, often pairing it with cutesy and considerate.

The delivery was deadpan and a little theatrical, which is why it spread. Viewers could take it as sincere advice or as a parody of workplace etiquette, and both readings worked. That double reading is still how the phrase lives online. When someone calls their behavior very demure, very mindful, they're usually being a bit sincere and a bit self-mocking at once.

It also shows why the phrase is gentle rather than mean. The original wasn't mocking anyone. It was a person describing her own choices with a straight face, and most people still use it about themselves first, which keeps the joke friendly.

## How people use demure on social media

The original videos were half advice, half bit: how to look and act at work in a way that's modest and considerate. On [TikTok](/platform/tiktok), that became a format. People narrate ordinary routines, a commute, a [GRWM](/glossary/grwm), a lunch break, and label each step very demure, very mindful. The [OOTD](/glossary/ootd) version calls an outfit demure, sometimes sincerely and sometimes about something loud and sparkly.

On Instagram and X, it's mostly a [caption](/glossary/caption) or a reply. People use not very demure to describe a bad date, a messy night or a rude driver, which Know Your Meme shows happening within a week of the trend starting. On [Reddit](/platform/reddit), it spread into community jokes far from makeup and offices.

- Caption on a work-from-home selfie: "logged on at 9:02, very demure, very mindful"
- Reply to a friend's chaotic story: "that was not very demure of you"
- Caption on a car snack: "eating my fries one at a time, very demure"
- Comment on an outfit: "the sequins are giving demure, somehow"
- Post after a meeting: "didn't interrupt anyone today, very mindful"
- Caption on a cat photo: "she sits so demurely while plotting crimes"

## How to reply to demure

Almost every demure message is playful, so match it. Reply in kind, add another trend adjective, or tease them for being not demure at all. The one exception is when someone uses the plain dictionary sense, for example describing a dress or a person's manner in a review or article. There's no joke to play along with there.

**How did they use demure?**
- Calling themselves very demure → Play along: so mindful, so cutesy.
- Calling you not very demure → It's teasing. Own it or promise to be more mindful.
- Describing an outfit or a look → Usually a compliment. Say thanks.
- In the plain dictionary sense → They mean modest or reserved. No joke intended.

## When not to use it

The trend is light, but the old word can carry baggage. Merriam-Webster's own example sentences include one that mentions cultural stereotypes of women being feminine and demure, which hints at how the word has been used to describe how women are expected to act. Sincerely telling someone, especially a woman, that she should be more demure can come across as a lecture about her behavior rather than a joke.

For brands, timing matters. Discord's account joined the joke while it was fresh in August 2024. Trends that big age quickly, and a brand post that leans on very demure, very mindful today will read as a throwback rather than a current joke. If you use it, make the throwback part of the joke.

Remember that the trend sense isn't universal. Many readers know demure only as an ordinary adjective. A caption that depends on recognizing the TikTok reference may confuse them, while one that also works in the plain sense, such as calling a simple outfit demure, reads fine either way. That's the safer choice for a broad or international audience.

**Fine to use demure when**
- [ ] You're describing yourself, your pet or a thing
- [ ] The irony is obvious from the post
- [ ] You aren't telling someone how they should behave
- [ ] On a brand account, you're aware it's a 2024 trend
- [ ] You mean modest or reserved in the plain sense

## Demure, demurely and demur

| Word | What it means | Example |
| --- | --- | --- |
| Demure | Reserved or modest; modestly dressed | A demure smile |
| Demurely | In a demure way (adverb) | She sipped her coffee demurely |
| Demureness | The quality of being demure (noun) | The demureness of the outfit |
| Demur | A different word: to object or take exception | He demurred when asked to stay late |

Don't mix up demure with demur. [Merriam-Webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/demur) defines demur as a verb meaning to take exception or object. They look nearly identical, but one is about being modest and the other is about saying no. Demur also has a different stress: the second syllable rhymes with fur, while demure rhymes with pure.

Demure keeps company with other trend adjectives. Something that [slays](/glossary/slay) is impressive. Someone with [aura](/glossary/aura) carries a quiet confidence, which is close to the trend's version of demure. And someone who is [delulu](/glossary/delulu) about being demure is joking that they're more composed than they really are.

## Questions

### What does very demure, very mindful mean?

It's a playful way to say you're being polite, modest and considerate, often ironically. The line comes from Jools Lebron's August 2024 TikTok videos.

### Who started the demure trend?

Know Your Meme credits TikTok creator Jools Lebron, whose August 2024 videos about doing her makeup for work started it.

### Is demure a compliment?

Usually. Calling an outfit or a manner demure means it's modest and tasteful. In the trend sense it's mostly a friendly joke.

### What is the opposite of demure?

Words like bold, brash or flashy. Online, people simply say not very demure.

### Was demure the word of the year?

Yes. ABC7 reported that Dictionary.com named demure its 2024 Word of the Year in November 2024.

### How do you pronounce demure?

Dih-MYOOR, with the stress on the second syllable, rhyming with pure.

## Related terms

- [Slay](https://postmesh.app/glossary/slay)

- [Aura](https://postmesh.app/glossary/aura)

- [GRWM](https://postmesh.app/glossary/grwm)

- [OOTD](https://postmesh.app/glossary/ootd)

- [Delulu](https://postmesh.app/glossary/delulu)

- [Ick](https://postmesh.app/glossary/ick)

## Sources

- [Merriam-Webster: Demure](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/demure)

- [Merriam-Webster: Demur](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/demur)

- [Know Your Meme: Very Demure, Very Mindful](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/very-demure-very-mindful)

- [ABC7 News: Demure named 2024 word of the year by Dictionary.com](https://abc7news.com/post/demure-named-2024-word-year-dictionary/15587754/)